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Most contributions by skunkfolks!
Used with permission
 

********************

This song is dedicated to Carol Ann (my Mom), and all the other skunk lovers.

 The Twelve Skunks of Christmas
By: Charlene Mason 

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a little skunk baby. 

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me 2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­
and a little skunk baby.

 On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me 3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­
2 Albino skunks sleeping...  and a little skunk baby.

 On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 4 Reverse Striped
skunks digging¡­ 3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­ 2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­
and a little skunk baby.

 On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 5 Star skunks stomping¡­
4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­ and a little skunk baby. 

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 6 Chip skunks eating¡­
5 Star skunks stomping.. 4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­and a little skunk baby.

 On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 7 Frosted skunks hiding¡­
6 Chip skunks eating...5 Star skunks stomping¡­4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­
3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping... and a little skunk baby.

 On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me 8 Black and White skunks playing¡­7 Frosted skunks hiding...6 Chip skunks eating¡­5 Star skunks stomping¡­
4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­ and a little skunk baby.

 On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 9 Lavender skunks drinking¡­
8 Black and White skunks playing¡­7 Frosted skunks hiding¡­6 Chip skunks eating¡­
5 Star skunks stomping¡­4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­and a little skunk  baby.

 On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 10 Champagne skunks running¡­
9 Lavender skunks drinking...8 Black and White skunks playing¡­7 Frosted skunks hiding¡­6 Chip skunks eating¡­5 Star skunks stomping¡­4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping
¡­and a little skunk baby.

 On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 11 Black Swirl skunks climbing¡­10 Champagne skunks running¡­9 Lavender skunks drinking¡­8 Black and White skunks playing¡­7 Frosted skunks hiding¡­6 Chip skunks eating¡­5 Star skunks stomping¡­4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­ and a little skunk baby.

 On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 12 Dark Smoke skunks cuddling¡­11 Black Swirl skunks climbing¡­10 Champagne skunks running¡­
9 Lavender skunks drinking¡­8 Black and White skunks playing¡­7 Frosted skunks hiding¡­6 Chip skunks eating¡­5 Star skunks stomping¡­4 Reverse Striped skunks digging¡­3 Spotted skunks screeching¡­2 Albino skunks sleeping¡­
and a little skunk baby.

  

You Know You are Owned by a Skunk if....

  All the bottom shelves of your bookcases are empty.

  Every wastebasket in the house is up on a chair or table, out of danger.

  All your house plants are set up on a table, are hangers or those which are on the floor have a fence around them.

  All your bedroom and kitchen drawers and kitchen cabinets have baby locks on them.

  You're on a first name basis with the Produce Manager at several grocery stores.

  The people at the PlexiGlass place know you on site.

 You have bite holes in the bottoms of most of your pants worn at feeding time

When you can't find your silky unders
cuz the skunks have dragged them into their beds!!

When you have a ratty blanket and comforter,
because the skunk kids NEEDED the expensive duvet!

When asked if your home decor is traditional or modern,
you say it is mephitis proof.

When out with Friends and they start showing their kids pictures,
you whip out pictures of your fur baby.

   Pets Mart employees ask how your fur baby is doing
and shows you the new toys they have that the skunk might like.
 

  Your house is covered with pictures of skunks, instead of grandkids.

You sleep in the best position for your skunks comfort.  

             You no longer need an alarm clock to get up for work.

You have mastered the language of stomps, rubs, nips and head butts 
by responding appropriately. (ie: supply the correct food requested,
emptying the litterbox, lifting onto the bed, couch etc., butt scratches,
move over...) 
 

 You do your grocery shopping based on your skunks supply of food,
not your own.              

When searching for a new house, your purchasing needs
are based on your skunks comfort and care.

Your Vet is on speed dial and on a first name basis with you. 

You wake up unable to breathe
because your skunk(s) are sleeping on your face.
 

   When you take the kids out, you get stared at and answer all the questions. 
Such as "does it stink"  is it "deskunked" 

You warn visiting phone or cable installers, not for their protection,
but to make sure they don't startle poor Mister Poofy Butt.
"Watch out for the moving lump under the bedcovers"

***************************

 

And how was YOUR morning?

I woke up at 4 am...scared silly, thinking that I was having yet another heart attack!!!! (anyone who has HAD a heart attack knows the symptoms) Heaviness of the chest, shortness of breath, numb arm, trouble breathing, headache, heaviness in the legs.

I lay there, trying to think of HOW I am going to reach the phone, and call for help....but WAIT......I feel movement on my chest ???  HMMMMMMMMM  time to open my eyes to see what is going on, don't panic, that'll make it worse.

I open one eye, and there is my Bohdan, standing on my chest, investigating my mouth and nose...no WONDER I can hardly breath......move Bohdan OFF of my face, ok, I can breath now, I TRY to pick my head up...NOPE !!!! Reach up with my right arm, UH-HUH.....a distinct furry pressure there too......move Oreo off of my forehead. Ok, two out of 4 symptoms and their causes have been discovered and relieved.

NEXT....why can't I move my left arm ????? Reach over with the right arm, YUP !!!!!! Mika is sleeping on my arm, a dead weight from my hand (YES, she planted her skunky butt in the palm of my hand and is streched out to my shoulder !!!).

Ok, I can relax, I'm NOT having a heart attack and I am NOT insane, just crowded LOL

NEXT...my legs.....here we go, sit up, all tingly from the blood finally getting back into my limbs.  Pull the sheet and comforter out of the way, YUP !!!!!!!!!!! There is Taz on one leg, Rurik on the other, nose to nose, and they are looking at me with, I am sure,  HUGE grins!!! Why am I surprised ?????? Well, the kids HAD been sleeping on the main floor, they made their den under my reclining sofa (rendering it a regular sofa, since I will NOT take the chance of hurting them by reclining !!!).   I had taken their ramp away after them sleeping on the main floor for 2 months. We have 14 stairs to go UP so I really didn't expect them to do that again !!!

Ok, now HOW did they get up on the bed, the ramp is gone..hmmmmmm.... get out of bed, turn on the light, have 10 skunky eyes glaring at me with a look of "how DARE you wake us up!!!" walk around the bed...yup, these kids were REALLY busy....they had my body pillow on the floor, at an angle for climbing up, then for extra security, they had a blanket that I keep at the foot of the bed wedged between the body pillow and my dresser, then they had moved my small laundry hamper and put THAT on the end of the body pillow and blanket to kind of anchor everything !!!!!!!!!

Ok, the detective work is done, it is now 4:30, I am NOT getting up, I just fell asleep at 3, TRY to get back into bed, around 5 skunk butts, shift, moan, groan...FINALLY finding a place to lay my body and head down......now they ALL want a cuddle and kiss, they are all looking at me with SUCH love and, I am sure, ridicule for putting me though that!!! Kiss them all give each a special hug and love...... ok, NOW they want a snack, "Mom, you're up, we're up, how about a little brekkus, hmmmm???" .

If I'm going to get ANY sleep, I better go downstairs and get them something......I get them a bit of cottage cheese and some Cherrios, carry the 5 plates upstairs, put the plates on the floor...NOPE they want their snack IN BED !!!!!  Ok, I can do this, put the plates on the bed, it shouldn't take TOO long to eat.

At 5:30, they are FINALLY done eating, getting more hugs and kisses, and are ready to go BACK to sleep, but I'M wide awake !!!!!!!!

So, my kids are all snuggled up in MY bed, and I am sitting on my reclining sofa, that is now safe to recline on since there are NO bodies under it, tired, but unable to sleep LOL

How is YOUR morning ?????????

~~~~~~~

Each one, Teach one!

Taz had a vet's appointment today, the weather wasn't great, Ed has the car,
so I needed a taxi to take us.......

Picture it:

Ring, ring....... Beal Taxi

Hi, do your drivers take pets ????

Is it a BIG pet ??

No, he's small.

Will it be in a cage or carrier??

No, he'll be in my arms.

I don't see any problem.

Ok, but the pet is a skunk, descented, but a skunk.

OH MY !!!!!!!!!!!!! A SKUNK ??????????? !!!!

Yes, a skunk.

UMMMMMMMMMMM, well, UMMMMMMMM, I don't know.......

Well I'll stay on the line, and you can radio, on open frequency, and then I will know
if I CAN get a cab ok ??

OK....................# 18, you're next in line...I have a lady that wants to know if you'll
take a small pet ???

Diver: SURE why not ???

Dispatcher: Well it's a skunk.

 Driver: A SKUNK...NO DAMN WAY am I gonna take a skunk in my car !!!!

Dispatcher: Well, the lady says he can't pee, and he doesn't stink.

Driver: NO WAY !!

Dispatcher: OK...ALL drivers...is there ANYONE who would be willing to take
this run ?????

ONE driver said that he would....he arrives and the FIRST thing he says is,
"if that skunk pees in my car, this is gonna be REAL expensive for you" !!!!!!

THEN he turns around, looks at TAZ, and tells me that Taz is NOT a skunk,
skunks are black and white, and they smell LOL

I took the opportunity to educate him on the way to the vet and, by the time
we got there, he was in love !!!!

The trip SHOULD have cost $15.00 (that's what the meter said) he charged me
$5.00 and INSISTED that I call HIM when we were done.

On the way home, I HAD to sit up front, with Taz, so that the driver could pet
and love on him and the ride home was FREE   LOL


SOOOOOOOOO, how was YOUR morning LOL

(Note:  Skunk musk is NOT "pee"!!!  Totally different substance from a totally
different place and different glands.)

~~~~~~~

This is ONE of the of the PERKS of having skunks...
sent in by another great skunkowner!!!

I have a major water leak. I called the plumbers and they came out
today to fix it. The guy was a rather large man. Well, I forgot to
warn him about Sassie. He had no idea there was a skunk in the house
let alone in the same cabinet he just forced half his body into. He
had on some kind of listening device to try to locate the leak. He
said it was like an extremely high powered stethoscope, and that I
needed to be real quiet since it picked every noise up and amplified
it. Now, picture about a 300 lb guy, wedged under my cabinet sink,
and a 6 lb curious skunk poking her nose out at him from inside the
cabinet. He screamed from Sassie, then screamed again because of the
sound in the stethoscope. He managed to unwedge himself without
taking half my cabinet with him. He stood up, backed away from the
skunk, and backed himself right up to Zany's bird cage. Well, Zany
does not like strangers, so he went to screaming, which in return had
the plumber screaming again. That's when he finally wised up and
removed the high power ear things. After calming Sassie, the bird and
the plumber down he charged me 200.00 and said when I was ready to
get the leak fix to call him and he would send somebody else out. It
was the best 200.00 I had spent. Wish I had that on video!!!

~~~~~~~

The following was written by one of our rescuers who took in seven baby skunks at one time, taking her household into joyous chaos!!  If you've ever done it, you will empathize.....if you've never done it, you'll laugh!!!  ENJOY!!

There's been a major breakout here.  I wake up hearing a squealing skunk
and knew immediately it wasn't one of mine.  Turn on the light; skunks
EVERYWHERE!  I start running after all the tails I see in the air but they
have that 'close to the ground' advantage.  One runs into the closet.  I go
in after he/she/it.  With one swift movement I've got 'em, OUCH, its got
ME!!!!!  Can't let a little thing like another bite stop me so I go after
he/she/it again.  Got 'em this time and I run back to the kitchen with a
very angry skunk.

  When I get there, I see the gate has been sabotaged and there are skunks
running amuck all over the living room and dining room.  They must have
planted a bomb in the kitchen, cause it looks like they blew out my
Tupperware cabinet.  I hurry and fix the gate and start to go after the
others.  The chase is on!  After much squealing and stomping, I figured out
it wasn't doing me any good, so I had to actually run after them.  Now THEY
were squealing and stomping.  Cornered one in the bathroom so I lock
he/she/it in until I could catch the others.  Now I've got 'em on the run,
of course I have to dodge all the little land mines they are laying to try
and stop me, but I missed them all.  One by one I conquered.  They will
learn they can't outfox the fox!

As I am picking up the land mines in the kitchen, I see something slowing
inching its way across the floor going towards the living room. HA, they
thought they would fool me by blackening their faces so I couldn't see them
in the dark but I ran and turned on the light.  They hadn't planned on that
and were startled so see the light and me on their tails.  Again, tails
flying in the air and I'm right on 'em.  At last, I have caught all the
escapees and have them back behind their bars.  Wait, there's another, but
he is climbing INTO the kitchen.  Oh, never mind, it's only Hootie!  He
wants to see what all the commotion is.  Now ALL my skunks are up and
running around wondering what the heck is happening and to see what has
awakened them from the cozy slumber.  Great, now I have eleven PO'd skunks!

Now everyone is back where they should be and my skunks have gone back to
bed except for the Hoot.  He's still cruising around the kitchen with the
other bad ones.  Ever so often I hear a tugging and growl at the
gate.  Someone is working on another escape but I'm going to be on the
couch this time and plan to ambush them as the start their next climb to
freedom.
 

~~~~~~~

IF YOU WANT.....

If you want someone who will do things to please you, get a skunk.

If you want someone to shred the newspaper for you, get a skunk.

If you want someone who'll will rejoice over the fact that you've just come home, get a skunk.

If you want someone who'll eat whatever you put in front of him, get a skunk.

If you want someone who'll be eager to go anywhere you want to go, get a skunk.

If you want someone who could scare away burglars without waving a TRULY lethal weapon around,
get a skunk.

If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a skunk.

If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed and who you can kick out of bed if he snores if you dare, get a skunk.

If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, sometimes acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a skunk!

On the other hand...
If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk into the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night, comes to you only to eat, sleeps all day and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...

Get a SKUNK!

~~~~~~~

This piece isn't exactly Humor, but is such a dear note from someone who truly cares about skunks, that I wanted to share it:


Edited to protect their privacy  : )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is ---- and my husband and I have a pet skunk. Well, sort of.

We live in a mobile home park in Texas. We lived here before at a different
home. One night at about 4am, the dogs behind us woke my husband up
barking. When he looked outside, there was a little skunk outside with its
head stuck in a Yoplait yogurt jar, smothering. My husband went outside, took
some channel lock pliers and popped the yogurt jar off the skunk's head.
The little skunk didn't spray, but just waddled off.

We thought nothing of it until late a few nights later when our motion lights
came on. We looked outside expecting to see a stray cat eating leftovers
and there was the skunk. He never sprayed. He would come over every night
and eat. The only way we knew he was there was the lights. I looked out one
time and there were 5 skunks in my yard. We named "our" skunk Fuzzy.

We sold our house and moved. When the new owners moved the house out,
there was a burrow underneath. That was two years ago. Back in May of this
year, we had to move back to the city and settled back in the same park, but different location. A neighbor complained about a skunk at night spraying. We
have 3 cats that live outside, so needless to say, there is cat food.

About a week ago, I came home late from playing pool league and noticed
something dark waddling towards me. I stopped and started baby talk. ("here
'kitty kitty' ") Anyway, it was a little skunk whose tail is 2x bigger than its body.
I stood still and it came within 5 feet from me. My only concern was the fact
that two of my cats had joined me and I didn't want the skunk to be scared and
spray. When he turned around to waddle off,  I said "Where you going Mr.
Fuzz?" and he stopped and turned around and looked in my direction.

My cats have learned to be nice to the skunk. A stray cat made him mad and
got sprayed. We believe that this is Fuzz. It looks the same and never sprays
unless threatened. He's a brave little bugger, too.

I guess he remembers our scent and that we love animals. I never ever put out
beef. I didn't know that pork was bad. All I know is that we have a pet "kitty". We
love him and our cats and possum. (p.s. possums love pork & beans)

Sorry to run on, I just thought that you might like our story. Most people automatically think skunk= rabies. We don't. Fuzz is our sweetie.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GOT A SKUNK
 CUZ I HEARD THEY HAD GREAT PERSONALITIES
 NAMED HIM RASCAL
 DIDN'T WANT HIM  TO SMELL BAD
 SO I HAD HIM  DE-SCENTED
 DIDN'T WANT HIM  MEAN
 HAD HIM NEUTERED
 HE KEPT KNOCKING PICTURES OFF THE SHELVES
 HAD  HIM DE-TAILED
 HE BIT  ME
 HAD HIM DE-TOOTHED
 KEPT SNIFFING THE GARBAGE CAN
 HAD HIM DE-NOSED
 KINDA MISSED THE TAIL
 BOUGHT ONE ON E-BAY
 DIDN'T WORK OUT
 HAD HIM  DE-TAILED AGAIN
 (SOLD BOTH TAILS ON  E-BAY TO HELP DEFER VET COSTS)
 HE KEPT RUNNING BETWEEN MY FEET
 HAD HIM DE-FOOTED
 HE GOT FAT
 YUP-GASTRIC BYPASS
 HE  GOT DIARRHEA FROM THE BYPASS
 HAD HIM DE-BUTTED
 HE'S PRETTY GOOD NOW..
 BUT HIS PERSONALITY SEEMS DIFFERENT
 HAD TO  CHANGE HIS NAME TO  MAT!
 
 IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE IN FOR,
 DON'T GET A SKUNK
 
 Copyright 2002 -

DAVID  FLIGOR
 

Well, the winds have blown spring into my neck of the woods finally and that wind also took my skunks minds :)
Let me explain... a typical day at my house..... skunks may or may not awaken in the morning, Sig may be, Chantilly most likely not. Day goes by still no skunkies, we have very lazy skunkies, 6-8 PM, lo and behold, I do have skunkies ... it's supper time, eat, back to bed.
Weeeeelll lemme explain today....
Skunkies are roused from carriers after being banished there at 2 am for tromping like a herd of mad elephants through the house. They are up 20 minutes tops, then off to bed. 2 PM, OMG, what's that?? a skunk? in the day time?? what's wrong?? Sig and Channy are both up. I'm busy doing household chores and I hear CRASH, BANG, BOOM! Oh it's only the garbage can, the contents of the bathroom cabinet and 36 rolls of tp rolled out in the bathroom. Never mind I had already CLEANED the bathroom. Well, da skunkies now run out of the bathroom. But do they go to bed... NO! They head for my room.
Well, Channy being the lady of the house, proceeds to empty my makeup case... LOVELY! All my makeup brushes are now DISINTEGRATED! Channy very lady like for a 2 year old is wearing make up, lot of bright colors! Then she proceeds
to empty a bookshelf ... then she pushes through the back of said bookshelf for a nice nap.. guess who can't get out??? Guess who can't get her out??  Hmmm, nice Channy. While all this is happening, Siggy is sitting there watching her, with this look on his face, like oh man are you in for it. Of course my beautiful angel wouldn't dare do anything like this. Nooooooooo, he has already done his damage, I have yet to find. Under the bed, in a nice skunkie nest of Wal-Mart bags, lays a hundred dollar sweater that I got as a gift for Christmas.
I gave up.. I sat down and cried :) After they saw they had won, they went to their very warm expensive beds.
So see, it's not new owners who have trouble, it's not baby kits who get in trouble. Life with a forever 2 yr. old, it shall never be boring :)
Trish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paul & I lifted up the mattresses here a little while ago.      OMG!!!!!!
5 Sweaters,2 bras, 13 socks, 3 slippers, 2 dresses,5 flannel shirts and 2 dusters. All their skunk blankies, a mattress pad, a sheet and   2 pillow cases - SHREDDED newspaper, tissue paper, fiber-fill and all the feathers from a now featherless feather-duster and plastic bags...all shredded into a pile - Buck's Angel wings - Stuffed toys -  A pile of pennies - Wash cloths, ribbon and my tie to my robe. What a mess!! the boys aren't too happy right now! But we needed to 
steam-clean their "I am pooped-off at mom mess" LOL!

(Yep!  Sounds like a teenager to me!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ten things Only Skunks Understand


10. Why it's good to have five different blankets for snuggling.

9. The difference between THIS bean, THAT bean and the OTHER bean.

8. Stomping can be fun.

7. Ambushing the cat can be even MORE fun.

6. A chicken neck, sardines and Jalapenos make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a hidden Vanilla Wafer can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every "Skunk Fact" written so far.

3. A good owner might be hard to find, but a good vet is next to impossible.

2. Why a cuddle session never lasts under ten minutes.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING ONLY SKUNKS UNDERSTAND:

1. OTHER SKUNKS!

All Rights Reserved to
Shelor Brumbeloe
Skunks As Pets, Inc.
March 31, 2001

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


THE BALLADE OF THE SKUNK

I hont de bear, I hont de moose
An' sometimes hont de rat.
Last night I take my axe and go
To hont do pole-cat.

My fren, Bill, says. 'Very fine fur
An' sometimes good to eat."
I tell my wife I get fur coat--
Sometime I got some meat.

I walk abont two, three, five, six, miles
An' then I feel strong smell,
Tink maybe dat dam skonk he die
An' fur coat go to hell.

By'mby I see dat skonk
Close up by one big tree.
I sneak up ver' close behind
An' tink he no see me.

Sacre blue! I tink I blind
Jess Crise! I cannot see.
I run roun' an' roun' an' roun'
Till bump in a goddam tree.

By'mby I drop my axe
An' light out for de shack.
I tink 'bout ten million skonk
He climb up my back.

My wife, she meet me at de door;
She sick on me de dog.
She say, "You no sleep here tonight;
Go out and sleep with hog."

I try to get in dat hog-pen,
Jess Crise! Now wat you tink?
Dat goddam hog no stand for dat
On account of awful stink.

I no more will hont de skonk
To get his fur and meat.
For if his pees he smell so bad,
Jess Crise! What if he sheet?


Mellinger E. Henry, collected by RW Gordon c1925,
in Library of Congress, American Folklife Center
2471

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                         Another Skunk Poem                               

                   There were two skunks--                    
                                          Out and In.                                          
 When In was out,
 Out was in.
 One day Out was in
 And in was out.
 Their mother,
 who was in with Out,
 wanted In in
 "Bring In in,"
 she said to Out.
 So Out went out
 and brought In in.
 "How did you find him
 so fast?" she asked.
 "Instinct," he said.

Author Unknown